


Untitled

by pluto24



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brotherly Love, Caring Dean, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Haircuts, M/M, Past Attempted Suicide, Past Serious Injuries, Self-Harm, Worried Dean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 18:50:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5795833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pluto24/pseuds/pluto24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Sam gets a haircut he becomes more open to do the idea because Dean is proud of him for doing it. When he starts agreeing to them on a regular basis Dean knows something is wrong.  Will Dean find out what it is before it's too late for Sam?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Untitled

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so I realized I'm opessed with Sam's hair. Anyway I don't know if I like this but I figured I'd post it anyway.

Sammy looked up at the building they parked in front of. It was a Supercuts. Sam turned to his brother in shock.   
“Dean what are we doing here?”  
“Don't be stupid Sammy what do you think we're doing here. We both need haircuts.”  
“No Dean. I'm not getting my haircut.” Sam said defiantly.  
Dean rolled his eyes at Sam. “You need a haircut Sam. If you don't do it now than I'll do it myself and you'll have to live with consequences.”  
Sam glared at Dean and ran a hand through his shoulder length locks. He decided that he could probably use a haircut and got out of the car. Dean watched with a smirk. The salon had only been open a few minutes when they walked in so they were seated right away next to each other. Dean could see how tense Sam was out of the corner of his eye.  
Sam watched as Jessie squirted his hair with a water bottle and then combed it out so it was tangle free. His heart started racing when she picked up the scissors and his head was gently pushed down. The comb was run through again and hen Sam heard the snip of the scissors as they made their way through the back of his hair. After what felt like hours Jessie moved over to his right side and again combed the hair straight down again. She then picked it up with her fingers and cut off a large chunk of hair. Sam closed his eyes during the rest of the cut. He felt Jessie move around his head with the comb and scissors. He tried to block out the sound but it didn't work. He finally could feel the hair in front get combed down his face. He could feel the hair being picked up off his face and could here the snip as hair was cut away. After what felt like hours Jessie was done and asking Sam how he liked it. When Sam opened his eyes and looked in the mirror he was shocked. His hair was still long with back curling half way down the collar of his shirt. The sides were shorter with layers through out and the front was the shortest but still long so that he could tuck it behind his ear. He really liked it and decided that he could let Dean gloat a little. As he walked over to the counter to join Dean he saw the large pile of hair on the floor. He couldn't believe all that hair came from him and he still had a lot left on his head. As he got into the Impala he thought that maybe going to get a haircut regularly wouldn't be so bad. It was just one more thing that he found he could do to make Dean proud. He'd never admit that to Dean though. Sam thought Dean must know though when 4 montnths later they pulled up to a Supercuts and Dean didn't act surprised when Sam agreed to the haircut. He was shocked when Sam cut it shorter than he did last time. It was still long but off the collar of his shirt. It was still long so it was still like Sam,but Dean wondered what was going through his brothers head. Nothing had happened on any hunts they went on. He drove back to thee bunker thinking about anything that could have happened to effect Sam like this. He always had long hair and he always fought haircuts as he got older. Now he was willingly going. He decided to keep a closer eye on him.  
Sam knew that Dean knew that something was wrong. How was he going to explain to Dean that he just doesn't care about anything anymore. He can't explain that he didn't look for him in Purgatory because he was in a mental hospital for almost a year. He can't tell him that he ended up there after trying to kill himself. He didn't mean to disappoint Dean. He knew everything that he said when he was demon about ruining his life was true. He needed his old escape for on his dark thoughts. He got up from the table in the kitchen and headed toward the door but a voce stopped him.  
“Where are you going Sam?”  
“Ummm bathroom.” Sam said as he walked away. Dean stared at him as he watched his brother retreat. Sam walked into his bedroom and picked up his knife. He sat on his bed a contemplated where to begin. He decided to do it on his left arm. The other cuts had already healed so he could risk it. He rolled up his sleeve and put the knife on his skin. He just stroked his arm at first only causing red marks. As his thoughts got darker he put the knife farther in. He was so relived to feel the pain of the cut and to see the blood start to pour out. He was so relaxed making the third cut that he practically jumped when he heard the gasp.

Dean waited a couple of minutes and then went towards the bathroom. When he didn't find Sam he headed toward Sam's room. When he looked into the and saw Sam sitting there cutting his arm open with his knife. He let out a gasp and it made Sam practically jump. He whipped his head around so fast he thought Sam would hurt his neck. Dean wanted to yell at him for hurting himself and ask him what he was thinking but the lost look in Sam's eyes made him rush forward and take the knife away from him. He knelt down in front of him taking his arm and examining it. It didn't need stitches but he did need to clean it and wrap a bandage on it.   
“I'm going to go get some supplies to take care of this” Dean said as he stood up and walked out of the room taking the knife with him. When he got out into the hallway he let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding. He headed toward the kitchen with all his thoughts on how to help Sam and why he did what he did. Dean gathered the supplies and went back to Sam's room. When he got there he found that Sam hadn't moved from the spot but he now had tears streaming down his face. He walked over to the bed and sat down taking his left arm into his and silently cleaning the wound. Sam still hadn't said anything. The only sound was a soft hiss when the alcohol was applied. When was done he held Sam's hand gently in his.  
“Look at me Sam.” Dean said with a gentle authority.  
“I c...can't Dean.” Sam said in pitifully broken voice.   
“Why Sam? Why do this?”  
“There's so much you need to know but I don't know where to start.”  
“Okay start from the beginning.”  
“It could take awhile.”  
“I have all the time in the world”  
Sam let out a sigh and started the whole long story.  
“When we were kids all I wanted to do was make dad proud of me. I tried so hard to do that. Then I went to school and figured that if I did good he would be. I got a full ride to Standford, was valedictorian of my class and had the highest GPA thee school had ever seen. I thought he won?d be proud. I spent so long on my speech and researched for the hunt at the same time. I was so excited to be able to make this speech and then you and dad left me at the apartment to go on a hunt. I made this speech about how important family is for you to secede and I made it without my family there. I wondered what I did to dad. I mean I know we butted heads all the time but I thought I did something. Then I decided that he would be proud of me with the full ride to Stanford. You know how that went. I got out there and I felt like my world fell apart. I felt like I couldn't do anything right and I was so tired that I couldn't get out of bed. It was like everything used more energy than I had too do it. My days were get up, go to class and my work. Then I met Jess. My world didn't feel so empty but i still felt like this dark cloud was surrounding me. When I told her how I felt she told me to talk to someone. I ended up going to see a therapist. He diagnosed me with severe depression brought on by self doubt anxiety. I didn't want to believe him but then I thought about the self doubt stuff. He was right. Anyway I was fine until Jess died. I blamed myself. I blamed myself for dad dying. At the same time I blamed myself for you almost dying,then going too hell. I kept my demon blood from you, then the soullessness and the visions. Then you went to purgatory and then everything fell apart. I didn't want to tell you what really happened. I told you I was with a girl and I was but not in the way I led you to believe. I thought about the ways that you have helped me in my life and all I did was let you down and disappoint you. I did fix up the Impala. I brought her to Bobby's and put her in the garage there. I bought this stupid junky car. It was a piece of crap. Dean I drove that car into a tree. I was trying to kill myself. I'm sorry Dean! I'm so sorry!” Sam sobbed and Dean reached over and grabbed Sam until a hug. He was stunned at the words that Sam uttered. His baby brother had tried too kill himself because he wasn't there. “Its okay Sammy. Your here and that's important. What happened after?”   
“I don't know much. I was in a coma for awhile and had rehab at the hospital. I didn't care about anything anything. They ended up sticking me in a mental hospital. One day I got this weird feeling that I had to leave the hospital so I just walked out. I ended up back at Bobby's and I got out he Impala. You know the rest.”  
“Okay, so why are you cutting yourself?”  
“I just don't care about anything. I mean I care about you getting hurt but I don't care if I get hurt. I’m terrified of disappointing you Dean. I figured that when you suggested I get a haircut I figured you wouldn't be disappointed if I did. Then I thought that if I went without any complaint then you'd be proud of me. When I realized that you knew something was wrong that I just disappointed you again and I needed to not feel that. I needed the release of my dark thoughts. I don't mean to disappoint you. I swear Dean I can do better. I can be someone you can be proud of.”  
“Oh Sam I have never been disappointed in you. I've been angry and scared but never once disappointed. I'm so sorry that you felt that you had to do that because of me. There ain't no me if there ain't no you. When you got into Stanford I was so proud of you. I need to know how long you were in the coma for Sam.”  
“Six months. Then I did rehab for three and then three at the mental hospital. I don't know why I'm still alive Dean.”  
“Someone wants you to be. I want to be. What were your injuries?”  
“I broke both arms and legs. I broke all my ribs, punctured my left lung, collapsed my right, broke my sternum and hit my head on the steering wheel so that caused a feature in my skull. It was weird. I saw myself lying in the bed hooked up to all these machines. I thought that a reaper would come for me or something. There was no one until the end. A reaper came and told me to go back. It wasn't my time. I told him that I wanted to die and then the next thing I know I'm waking up. Dean I'm so tired.”  
“I know. How can I help Sam?”  
“Don't leave.”  
Dean leans on the wall behind Sam's bed and put his arms out.   
“You'll be uncomfortable Dean.”  
“I don't care.”  
Sam stretched out on the bed with his head on Dean's shoulder. Dean reached his arm up and began running his hand through Sam's hair soothingly while singing Hey Jude. He let his tears fall silently. How could he have not noticed how broken his brother was. He vowed to make sure Sammy knew just how proud of him he was.  
Six months later Dean walked into the library and stopped to watch Sam tuck a strand of hair behind his ear.   
“Hey Sam you need a haircut.”  
“Shut up.”  
Three weeks later Dean sat in the front of Supercuts smirking as Sam got his haircut. It only took three weeks to get Sam to cave and get a haircut. He watched with satisfaction as the stylist combed and cut small and large chunks of hair off. He knew Sam would never be 100% okay no matter what he said or did, but he knew the signs of him sliding into those dark corners of his mind and knew what he needed when those times came. He relished in he moments like this when Sam was laughing and happily chatting with the stylist. It would always be an uphill battle but he was going to make sure that Sam survived it. He grinned when Sam walked towards with his hair at least 3 inches shorter. It was just above the collar of the flannel shirt he was wearing. His hair was now heavily layered starting just below his ear.   
“Looking good Sammy”  
“Shut up.”  
They left the salon and walked to the Impala. Driving back to the bunker Dean glanced at Sam.   
“I'm proud of you for getting into the online American History program at SNHU.”  
Sam turned to look at Dean stunned that he knew.  
“I was going to tell you. I just didn't know how.”  
“Your only doing it online. Its not like your leaving and I know your going to get get the highest grades right.”  
“Yeah. I guess.”  
“Sam I have complete faith in you and I'm not going anywhere.”  
“I know Dean. Hey do you want to watch a movie tonight?”  
“Yeah. I'm pretty sure we have popcorn and we can stop now for Chinese food.”  
“Okay. Let's go.”


End file.
